This month’s energy is asking us to acknowledge and connect with what you’re integrating, what wants to be integrated, and what you’ve become aware of through your shadow self.
What do you notice that you judge in others that, when you remember to be aware, you are actually hard on yourself about?
Shadow work that I’m integrating right now has to do with recognizing when the behavior of others is spiteful or mean, it’s more about them feeling unaccepted somehow. And I realize, sometimes perhaps unaccepted by me.
When I am judgmental it’s about me not feeling accepted around something. For me, it seems to be about the need to be perfect, or not feeling like I can be loved if I’m not perfect. I judge someone’s clothes, for instance, projecting—because what it comes down to is that I feel like if I’m not dressed appropriately I’m worthy of ridicule… By being dressed inappropriately I’m putting myself in a space where I asked for it. I dress badly therefore you can hate me. What it comes down to, for me, is fear of being unloved.
The more aware of myself I am when I’m feeling judgmental and doing the judging, the more I recognize compassion for others. On some level, those who are judging are having fear of not being loved.
When I’m feeling judged it’s the same… but harder! I try and place myself in the “judger’s” point of reference and begin to see what it is they are hard on themselves about and what is leading them to be judgmental. And then I try to connect with the true origin of their suffering.
Just before I turned 40 I had a conversation with someone that I was attempting to reconcile a relationship with. I brought up some things that had hurt me and wanted to work through them. The recipient was not in the same place and not ready to do any work around healing our relationship.
He said, “You’re old! You’re going to be 40! You’re old! Get over it!” referring to the things that I was deeply hurt about. I realized in that moment that he was very afraid of being old. I don’t have that hang up in that way. He was trying to hurt me or be spiteful, but he gave himself away in his judgment. We all do.
We introduced our loved ones into the circle for our Day of the Dead memorial.
I introduced my mom on the Distance Reiki grid to honor her and send her Reiki energy and love. I brought her picture and a turquoise skull bead I got in Jerome AZ, our last trip there together. There was a turning point in our relationship that day. I sent healing energy to our relationship and to her on her journey where she is now.
I focused energy from the Distance Reiki Grid to those we acknowledged in memorial and to those who seem to be difficult to heal with unless it’s in the astrals.
Thank you wonderful Goddesses! Beautiful night, beautiful healing! Wonderful Self-reflections!