A Lesson in Self Discovery
Today I had quite an amazing epiphany while asking for guidance from Spirit. I was very clearly guided to Look at myself, the good, the gifted, the bad, and the ugly…
It didn’t take too long to pick someone.
• She’s strong (Physically and Emotionally). • She’s directed and knows what she wants, and engages in plans to make it happen. • She’s beautiful, but more importantly, she really takes care of herself : eating, working out, etc. She’s really polished. •That rolls into having great self respect. She believes in herself. • She’s loyal. • She thinks lightly of herself • She speaks her mind—really speaks her truth.
Second, I was guided to pick someone who affects me negatively. Someone who brings out angry feelings, brings me down, makes me make an unintentional yuck face when I think about them, Someone I feel sorry for, and then record those characteristics.
That wasn’t difficult either. This person popped into my head immediately. She was extremely disrespectful when my mother passed away and it was very hard to get over many events during that time that were caused by her. My list for this part of the exercise was a lot longer than the first…
• Selfish •Vengeful •Manipulative •Insincere •Righteous •Entitled •Mean •Dishonest •Cruel •Disrespectful •Childish •Passive Aggressive •Disconnected •Deceitful •Doesn’t take care of herself physically •Uncaring •Unforgiving •Unloving •Unappreciative •Judgemental •Degrading •Not in control of herself.
Quite a long list. I went back into meditation and continued the inquiry with my guides.
My guides explained that the first list was about aspects that I love about myself and want to enhance. I see them and admire them in the person I chose because she is a mirror for me. A mirror for me to see things that I have within me already. And my guides stressed that it was important for me to acknowledge this.
To my horror, my guides also revealed that the second list of aspects were mirrored back to me as well. Characteristics that I am ashamed of and want to heal that are also in me. The second person, ultimately, was showing me those aspects within myself, those shadow aspects, that I wanted nothing to do with, I wanted to ignore, and not acknowledge—keep it in oblivion—It’s a lot safer in oblivion when you have to deal with a list like that…
Resolution and Oneness Awareness
The first thing I needed to do was forgive myself. Forgive myself for having all of those characteristics within me that had reared their dragony heads at one time or another; characteristics that I was not proud of, that I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had in me.
Next I needed to forgive myself, accept myself as having a human experience, and love myself. I needed to let go of anger, fear, and shame around this.
After that, it was time to reflect on what Oneness Awareness really is. The mirror we are to each other is a gift and if acknowledged, can be one of the most powerful healing tools we can use to bring us closer to our higher selves and to Spirit.
After reflecting, it was time to integrate the empowerment of that healing and awareness; to accept a new way of seeing the lightness and the shadow sides of myself. These feelings and reactions and processes hold immense purpose in their lessons, however hard they may be.
In the End
This is an exercise of acknowledgement, gratitude, and release. I feel it is definitely one of those “onion” exercises where each time you do it, you’re able to lift a layer and “get lighter.” At each step I was making notes of my feelings and giving myself and my resistance Reiki.
Let me know if you try this exercise on your own and how it went for you! Who do you think of when you think of someone who inspires you to be “Better?” What are they like? Now who makes you want to stick yourself with a fork?