The Evolved Scapegoat Goddess

For any Scapegoat ever.. This story is for you.

Coming of age in the Royal Fam from Harry’s perspective: Spare

I’ve been a bit under the weather the past few days. The sky is finally blue, I often don’t do well when it’s overcast. I had to clear my schedule this time around for lots of rest.. so I decided to listen to Prince Harry’s new book, Spare. He was the narrator, making it all the more enticing. The inflections in his voice were just as telling as the words he was speaking.

I have no doubt there was a ghostwriter involved, organizing and crafting, but Harry tells his story in a way that is quite believable. I felt throughout the whole account there was actually so much more, but how do you simmer it all down to a digestible read/listen? I think that’s part of what happened there.

The other part is, this guy isn’t a saint and is a product of his upbringing. He doesn’t want to add too much that is unbecoming (though he doesn’t deflect partying, etc.), but there’s also an agenda here. That being said, what he’s saying and doing seems to be speaking his truth and acting on it, taking himself (and his family) out of an abusive situation, seeing from outside the royal bubble, and finally using the media for his benefit rather than being the media-scapegoat his family set him up to be.

Hard to wrap my head around, the Spare is the runner up should anything happen to the heir.. but he also said it’s an understanding he’s had from his very beginning: if a kidney was needed, bone marrow, or anything of the sort, he was the spare part.

He also very much seemed to be the one used to distract the media away from anyone else’s life around him. The underlying theme: being misrepresented and not stood up for. Not protected. In fact, dropped in the fire, offered up to the wolves.

It was heart-wrenching to hear. Another underlying theme was how his mother died being chased by paparazzi and how the paparazzi affected his whole life, chasing him, stalking him, and anyone close to him. The dangerous side rather than the glamorous side of fame. How he often felt fear, especially after he had a partner he was worried about, and children. His whole perspective about Paparazzi was the life-threatening aspect of how they didn’t care how they retrieved pictures. They didn’t stop, even when Princess Diana’s car crashed and she was not moving inside. They continued to snap pictures through the windows. It’s pretty eerie.

What’s so striking to me too, is this stream of consciousness of hierarchy. That someone is so much more somehow, that it’s fascinating to know more about them, their private life. I was fascinated to read this book. Had someone else written it, who was not Prince Harry, would I have cared? Or even heard about it?

Initially I felt like this guy was a frat-boy-kinda dude. Uninteresting to me. But, as I suspect the agenda was, it pulled me in and created a deeper perspective on what was going on with this person from the time he was young 11, when his mom died, to how he was trained to believe he wasn’t smart, less smart, less special than his brother, and that he was a royal disappointment. He had trauma that was never dealt with (until he was an adult) and then he went into military training cutting off even more emotional connection with his trauma and unresolved grief.

His scapegoat journey was relatable: having to figure things out for himself, having to rely on himself and his own intuition, even when he wanted to believe the best of situations that were not good for him. The best of people who were not looking out for him. Having a hard time believing that people who were supposed to love him, were using him as a.. spare.. or someone to blame, even in ridiculous or irrational circumstances.

When someone has to remove themselves from family, there’s a reason. And the first go-to that the perps of scapegoating try to admonish is, “You must be crazy.” It’s spellbinding to see this over and over in stories, in this story, in history, in women’s history. And then, ever so eventually, the Truth comes out. But by then, the evolved scapegoat is long gone, boundaried-up, living their best life. Once you know, you can’t unknow. There’s a fine line between seeing the matrix of dysfunctional dynamics and continuing to live magickly, but oh so possible.

Any Evolved-Scapegoat Goddesses out there, Here’s to your Truth,

Vishuddha Consciousness—A Channel to Heal the Witch Wound

Releasing the Past-Life Charge of being Silenced—Sacred Voice Activation

Quantum Goddess Frequency Training was emotional today. I had a hard time trying to keep it together, speaking through the guided meditation. When I was working on it, I felt strong. I was excited and looking forward to sharing! But when I was actually speaking it out loud for the Quantum Goddess Circle today, I was overwhelmed and could barely keep the tears from rolling.

The Witch Wound is something that has come up a lot in conversation lately, a sect of the collective that has resistance to being seen and being heard. It’s an old, ancient-feeling of fear and way of protection that is known so deeply: the intrinsic knowing of not to reveal for purposes of actual survival.

There were moments in the meditation I had to pause and breathe for a minute before going on. Why did this move me so much? What is swimming around under the surface all the time, that when we put it into our voice, something happens that releases the Truth of what the words are not even close to expressing? A charged relief of being able to finally let it out and let it go. For all of us to acknowledge our Truth together is so powerful and so healing.

The Throat Chakra, the Speak-Your-Truth chakra, is directly affected by our past lives and how we were treated regarding beliefs and the secrecy that had to be kept in order to simply stay alive. In these times we were not allowed to express openly what most resonated with us, and we literally had to act out what we were told to believe as it was physically unsafe to do otherwise. This generated a psychic generational wound that has carried through lifetimes.

Our ancestors harbored this trauma, fear, shame, and grief in their minds and in their bodies. It’s important to address the survival reactions in our nervous systems that we may still possess in present-time.

When we still have triggers and charges in our fields from what we experienced in those lives so long ago, we carry the fear of speaking our Truth in our cells. It moves through the lineage in our DNA. It is inherited trauma rooted in the burning times and looks like, in present time, fear of being powerful. It looks like self-judgment, self-denial, and living half a life. This is the lifetime we can heal from these wounds.

You are Safe, You are Ready, It is Time, Goddess.

 

 

Working with the Phases of the Universe

Becoming Friends with the Stars

Today the moon is in Sagittarius. It’s 14.3% illuminated as I write this, with the New Moon phasing in 4 days. My North Node is in Sagittarius, so whenever the moon is there, I feel inspired, energetic, and creatively focused. This day has been no exception. It fascinates me how affected by the magnetism of the moon we are. How hospitals know when it’s a full moon, for instance, with an influx of patients, like clockwork. Like moon-phase work.

When I was born, the moon was a Waning Gibbous. It was still more than 50% illuminated, but getting smaller. I feel like I tend to have more connection and clarity in my creations, but also in what I’m manifesting when the moon is smaller rather than Full. I also notice the floosh of energy as it gets smaller rather than as it’s building. Noticing how you’re synched with the stars and the planets can help you align with everything, all that you do. I’ve been focusing on that more and more. It seems that the more I pay attention to the moon, the more validating the phases for me.

When the moon is full, instead of having a height of energy, like many, I want to swim in it. To float in it. To be still and silent and listen and hear the stars moving. This may have something to do with my moon sign being Pisces…

The Star Goddess immersion started this year, and we’re experimenting with all of these things. Talking about our natal charts, where our planets are, how we react and respond to different transits relating to where those planets hit in our chart. I’m so excited to see what we find. We’ve been doing Moon Goddess Reiki for a while, talking about how we move with the phases, and there’s a definite note of moon phase at birth and fluctuation of energy and creativity relating to that phase.

I’m constantly engaged in understanding how we are all One. How we’re all connected and we’re linked with and through the stars and the Universe. It’s obvious when we start to see the signs. When we pay attention to synchronicities and the moon and who and what we attract and manifest. It simply amazes me how we can change our energy, update it, recalibrate our magnetizing magnet to deflect what we don’t want and align with what we do. Moving energy with intention.

Happy Star Gazing, Goddess!

Am I Gemini or am I Pisces?

AKA The Procession of the Equinoxes and the Fixed Zodiac

When it comes to divination and such, I’m pretty firm in all roads leading to Rome. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about astrology and how it maps our life, draws on our blueprint, it gives us a bit of an outline of our adventures, and can even be seen as the what-to-look-for manual.. so I don’t let anyone tell me there isn’t one.. But what’s the deal with Sidereal and Tropical?

In Vedic astrology my Sun, Moon, Rising are completely different than what they are in Western astrology where I’m Cancer, Pisces, Pisces. In Vedic I’m Gemini, Aquarius, Aquarius! A whole sign difference. That’s because Vedic Astrology uses the sidereal calendar and Western astrology uses the Tropical calendar.

The Sidereal calendar is determined by the movement of the sun through the zodiac, fixed stars. The Tropical calendar follows the seasons, the equinoxes and the solstices.

I tend to pay attention to Tropical because I resonate with that information about myself more. That being said, I had a Jyotish or Vedic chart done and it clearly talked about my mom’s mental and physical illnesses years ago, way before I realized what was going on. They are both worthy and different.

The primary difference between the two systems is where the signs are placed in the sky. The sidereal system used in Vedic, is based on the current position of the constellations while the tropical system is based on the seasons and the sun’s rise to summer and descent to winter throughout the year.

The start of each season marks the start of the four Cardinal signs in the Tropical Zodiac: Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Aries starts Spring Equinox, Cancer starts Summer Solstice, Libra starts Fall Equinox, and Capricorn is the start of Yule, Winter Solstice.

Vedic Astrology also doesn’t use outer planets: Uranus, Neptune, or Pluto. I feel like these planets’ energies are important energies when I look at my own chart. Especially since I’m double Pisces, so being ruled by Neptune (which is considered an outer planet) is important information to me.  Not instead of, but Vedic looks to Rahu, the north node of the Moon, and Ketu, south node of the Moon, known as showdown planets.

Sidereal astrology recognizes the ever-changing distances between earth and the constellations, known as the procession of the equinoxes. Sidereal accounts for this procession, to determine the current position of each zodiac sign. It’s just a totally different way to do it. But that’s why I’m a Gemini in Sidereal vs. a Cancer Sun in Tropical.

My feelings about the two systems are that really they’re not so much comparable as more like 2 different languages, and both can be used in meaningful ways, not just one or the other. I’m also working through my resistance to Air and my attachment to Water, so.. I’ll keep you posted.

Happy Astrologing, Goddess,

 

The Moon & The 10 of Wands

As a vessel, what do you carry?

I thought about this when I woke up this morning. I had a really upsetting dream-not-dream. (I feel like when we “dream” we meet in the astrals to work things out, see things on a different timeline, heal, and all sorts of things. I don’t believe dreams are brain debris.) This dream-not-dream brought me back to things I’m no longer in the habit of thinking about. They were about my childhood and the cognitive dissonance that I felt on the regular being parented by a mentally ill mother. When I woke up, I was quiet. I felt things that at the time I couldn’t label, but now, so many years later, I can. I felt manipulated, invalidated, and unloved. I am honest with myself, I validate myself, and I am constantly in the work of self-love. I parent myself in these ways now and validate my experiences.

But damn.

Waking up and feeling back into a place that was long ago, will throw a wrench in the day. I checked my calendar, and sure enough, the moon is in Cancer. I’m a Cancer, Pisces, Pisces, so these days for me are usually emotional in some way. The moon is full tomorrow in Cancer. It’s a powerful blast, and Cancer is all about home and family. The illumination of this full moon and what is lit from within the shadows is happening already.

So here we go.

I was talking with a friend and she was channeling her guides. There were 3 and she was one of them, but for now, for this life, she decided to embody a vessel. In this life, she decided to manifest herself a container, a body, and do some experimenting with the filter of the human.

We talked about how she was so emotional and sad at feelings of loss she had because she couldn’t reach her pack while being in this vessel as she had before without it. We talked about how she came to do something with this filter specifically and be different than she normally was as one of her pack. The question was, what was she here to see through this body? This filter? As a vessel, what was she carrying? Her Self. The part of herself that wanted to have this experience and glean knowledge from it in a way she couldn’t without the filter.. but while she’s here, what was she carrying aside from herself?

I asked myself this too and see that I carry all these feelings, feelings and energy that gather, that snowball and grow, and they’re feelings that are not all my own. I took them from my mother. I took them from people around me. Some were osmosed, some were thrown at me, I took them either way. But those things weren’t mine to take. They were for me to figure out that they’re not mine to take.

It’s fascinating and blissfully explosive to me the timelines we’re on, the ones that we share in this life and the ones that we don’t even though we’re interacting, and the Quantum Field of Unified Light that is completely accessible to us for healing.

I know what I’ll be consciously healing, releasing, and carrying today.  I’ll be laying down the responsibilities of others that are not my own. I’ll be releasing agreements that no longer feed my Truth. And I’ll be regaining personal power with reflection this mercury retro, allowing more of my own light in. I choose to carry Light.

Be gentle with you, Goddess.