8 of Cups

When I see this card I get the strong sense that a decision to leave a situation has been a long time coming. The seeker has tried to make it work. She’s tried to figure it out, usually working alone to make a relationship or partnership harmonious and productive, but something is just not letting the square peg fit in the circle. It’s sad, but it’s been such a long time coming, that the seeker is ready to move on. No regrets. The seeker knows this hasn’t been working and now wants to and does move on to something that better supports her.

This cards shows that the seeker is taking the emotion out of a situation and is able to see it for what it is. She can ask herself, “Is this for my greatest good?” “Is this situation supporting me?” and be objective in answering those questions. What makes this not an epiphany is that it’s been slowly losing passion for a while. There’s a feeling of loneliness here, but not the kind that is devastating. The kind that just takes over enough to be swayed by another person or project when they cross the path as a catalyst to let this situation go.

Pretty much, this cards means the exact opposite when reversed. Can be someone else in the seeker’s life, but usually the seeker—who is settling. She’s not super happy, but is going through the motions anyway. It’s about being phobic of real intimacy. The seeker is staying in a relationship or partnership that does not require intimacy, which ultimately does not render happiness, because they can’t move past their own feelings of worth.

Sometimes this person will go back on good decisions to leave (when the card was upright) because they can’t seem to move on. If this is paired with the Devil card, it can mean a hard time trying to kick an addictive relationship. Co-dependence: waiting for what the seeker wants the other party to do for them, but the other party just doesn’t play that way. It’s getting the idea that some day things will work out, but that day never comes. The seeker stays and waits anyway thinking there’s hope for the partner to follow through or change, but the partner does not (and possibly, due to dynamics, can’t).

The seeker doesn’t act on what he or she truly wants and may seem fickle. “I want it to be like this today, but not tomorrow.” Mood-based. And really moody! You never know if they’re going to have your back or not.

Indigo Survivor’s Take on Spiritual Parenting I

An Indigo Hitting the Bottom of the Spiritual Barrel

I surrendered and begged, “Will you help me find my way? Universe, help me figure it out. Send me in the right direction. Show me my divine right path!”

Finding Hope

I had finally come to my brick wall. The place where I felt I had nowhere to go. I was alone and I felt isolated and directionless. I desperately needed to know what my dreams were and how to recognize my purpose. I felt so confused. A lifetime of dealing with abandonment, low self-esteem, and beliefs based on a family that revolved around an alcoholic patriarch, along with boundary, and shame issues from sexual abuse. I was in no shape to figure out anything.

Picking Up the Pieces Through Synchronicities and Signs

One of the first things I came across while beginning research to seek peace after demanding universal direction was a self-esteem quiz. I recognized that self-esteem issues were getting in the way of my purpose or even being able to identify my dreams. (I was having a problem answering the basic finding-your-dreams question: What did you love to do as a child?) I kept coming up with reasons why my dreams couldn’t be reality. “They wouldn’t work, I’m too old now,” and all of those excuses that hold us  back. Those inner thoughts that stem from what we learn as children.

This quiz, I thought, was the answer—to this part anyway. It will tell me how to fix this problem. The main theme was focusing on all positive aspects, strong skills and abilities that had brought me to where I was now. The idea was to let go of any negative thoughts and beliefs. Stop focusing on all the things you need to improve and only focus on your positive traits, skills and values.

With my background in mind, I asked myself, “What are these skills? How did I manage to overcome these triumphs throughout the years and be here, 33-years-old today and still have some sort of hope and desire to become a better person—to see myself as a successful person.”

A funny thing happened after completing the quiz.
I learned that I had mostly survived by isolating myself and removing myself from uncomfortable situations. Or the very opposite, by being more tolerant of situations than I should have been and staying longer than definitely was healthy, all because I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I realized those weren’t very positive traits that had gotten me where I was. My need for self-betterment was out of desperation. The self-esteem quiz only validated that I needed more answers.


When the crystal and indigo child card kept popping out of my angel deck practically every time I randomly chose one, my friend, life-long energy healer and psychic medium, Anne Roberts said, “Hon, YOU! It’s YOU! You’re the Indigo child.” I thought about it. I had been told before that I took the guilt and blame for my abusive family, that I was a victim soul of sorts. I had endured hardships in order to help others complete what they had to do in their lifetimes. I was an example so that others didn’t have to go through the same experiences. Author Doreen Virtue wrote that many Indigos go through hard things, like abuse and the leadership of being poster child, and then deal with the fact that people don’t feel the need to protect or save them. Instead they point and judge, “She’s over reacting,” or, “She’s just sensitive, don’t worry about hurting her feelings, she’ll get over it on her own.” All with the same message: She doesn’t matter. Her needs don’t need to be met.

It’s that drama of the Indigo’s life that has a way of clearing the road for crystal children.

I thought, if that’s the case, I better start telling my story and hope it helps someone. With more community awareness, I can only hope that more children don’t go through the difficulties and rejection I did.

This post is one of a two-part series. Be on the lookout for:

Indigo Survivor’s Take on Spiritual Parenting II

The Devil

I wrote about The Devil card on SalemTarot.com so many years ago and was thrilled to find it again just recently.

The inverted pentagram has long brought uneasiness to many, but in actuality it has many meanings—and they’re not all menacing. In fact, far from it. Some believe that the inverted pentagram symbolizes Earth energy while the right-side-up star symbolizes Spirit energy. So Earth energy talks about manifesting physical things like pulling into your energy a new car or love, it can also be physical healing—while Spiritual energy talks about connection with higher self, the Universe, and spiritual and emotional healing.

Here we have the Devil card and, in my favorite Hansen Roberts deck, the Devil has a pentagram on his forehead. It symbolizes here the physical things in our life that can become addictive. This card is about imbalance of physical manifestations and higher self. It’s about fear and succumbing to fear.

Fear comes from, many times, the feeling or belief that there is not enough in the Universe for everyone. Coveting, hoarding, hiding, feeling shameful, regret, anger—all of these things can be pulled from the Devil card. It represents the part of ourselves that needs to grow, expand, forgive and ascend. In other words, many times our biggest character challenges are affecting us in a negative way and are being shown to us by the Devil card in a spread.

This card represents addictions to anything. Of course the first thing we think of is drugs, alcohol—and this could be if coupled with cups cards. But it could be anything that renders addiction. Addiction to self (selfishness to detriment), addiction to food, exercise, shopping, negative thought patterns. Addiction to another person, a job (workaholic), overall materialism (which can render greed).

These addictions are based on compulsive actions. Staying in a compulsive cycle keeps the seeker trapped in his own prison of weakness. Usually addictions represent a deep sense of not feeling worthy. The feeling that there isn’t enough in the Universe and that you’re not worthy enough to have what is there causes addictive behavior. (e.g. there’s not enough love, attention, money, room for me, I’m going to eat, drink, shop, lie to fill this void—instead of filling it with forgiveness and healing bringing about true contentment.)

It’s important to understand what is being represented when this card falls into a reading. It is an energetic block that the seeker must recognize and curtail in order to move forward and create a place for harmony in her life. It’s important to remember that the seeker has options and control. She can seek help, or decide on her own to stop or curtail the behavior that is blocking her higher good and ultimate happiness. (It may be helpful to admit also that the difficulty of overcoming this addiction takes place because the seeker does not feel worthy enough to allow for their happiness.)

When the Devil card is reversed, the seeker is over it. They know what the block is and they’re ready to get rid of it. The reversed card is a symbol of finally being able to let go of what was so binding and move forward in new light. It can symbolize the ultimate forgiveness of self. Depending on the surrounding cards, it can be a new beginning or just the beginning of climbing out of that box. It can take time and healing, but the Devil card reversed can render relief.

If the Devil card reversed is paired with the reversed Knight of Swords it could refer to someone who has an addiction that they are having much difficulty trying to defeat. Where as if the Knight of Swords is upright, it can mean there is an addiction that is fiercely being overcome by the seeker.